So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
