im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
