Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
