i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize