Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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