Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
