i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
