i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
