Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everclear isn't food dammit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
