It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
