Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I pour the whiskey from now on
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
