if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
