he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
