dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
