What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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