I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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