I heard we made out
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
