my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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