He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
