Nicole vs. Life
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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