I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
