She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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