Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
