What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
