i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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