I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wear drunk well.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
