just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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