Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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