i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
