i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
