I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
