nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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