would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
