I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
