Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
