Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize