I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
