I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
