Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
