What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
