you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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