I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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