I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
