He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
