**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
