How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bring money and cleavage
where are you?
Hypothermia
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize