I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
