You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
