I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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