A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
