i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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