I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize