the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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