i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
