And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
