he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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