Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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